WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT
The Australian Electoral Commission has today confirmed that Zed is officially dead.
In a Federal Political sense, that is.
This comes after the people of the Australian Capital Territory asked ‘who’s Zed?’
“Zed’s dead baby,” said a spokesperson for the AEC, sitting aboard a motorbike that has just come into their possession for some reason.
After weeks of counting, the people in charge of running our elections have finally called the ACT’s 2nd Senate seat in favour of David Pocock.
The win marks the first time an Independent has ever won a senate seat for the ACT and has ended the 9-year tenure of Liberal Senator Zed Seselja.
The win came after Pocock managed to latch onto the back of a rolling maul of a few thousand volunteers and supporters and roll over the line to dot the ball down.
After a few early attempts to keep Pocock out of the game by sealing off and talking shit about Pocock’s environmental activism, the former Wallabies backrower eventually managed to come through the gate and turnover the ball.
The huge pilfer came after a few weeks of building pressure, with the Electoral Commission now satisfied to confirm that Zed is in fact dead, baby.
With the full-time hooter going, Zed Seselja has had to officially concede defeat, with Pocock now able to claim the miraculous victory.
Pocock has renewed his pledge to push for a Federal ICAC, stronger action on climate change, territory rights, and an inquiry into how the Brumbies got robbed by the Kiwis on the weekend.
More to come.