World’s Most Boring City Wraps Up Their Annual Fairy Light Festival — The Betoota Advocate

World’s Most Boring City Wraps Up Their Annual Fairy Light Festival — The Betoota Advocate


The city of Sydney has once again proved you don’t need any form of nightlife to have fun, by hosting a really shitty fairy light festival.

After years of being labelled Australia’s most boring city, the harbour eyesore has sought to solve its desolate nightlife by stringing up some discount Christmas lights from Bunnings and projecting a bunch of Microsoft screensavers onto the walls of Art Galleries, many of which are empty and soon to be sold off to property developers.

Speaking to Vivid Director and CEO of an unnamed electricity company, Morris O’Farrell (52), the Festival Director said he was excited to showcase Sydney to the rest of the world.

“We’ve been working with that Jaycar electronics shop to hook a laptop up to a TV projector and just flick stuff onto blank walls.”

“Remember the old Windows Media player visualizer, we literally chucked that up onto the Opera House on Monday and had it playing for a week!”

After locking up its residents for six months and banning the sale of full-strength beer after 11pm, a spokesperson from Sydney council told The Advocate it’s really hoping this year’s festival puts Sydney back on the cultural map.

“What we’re trying to show young people is that you don’t need nightclubs, live music venues, alfresco dining or God forbid “shots” to have fun!”

“Who needs a dancefloor when you can stroll through Darling Harbour and stare at colourful LED PavoTubing flicking on and off like a Police interrogation room.”

Asked whether the council had spoken to anyone under the age of 35 about the festival programming, the spokesperson said they had done all they could to accommodate millennial audiences.

“We had one Uni intern tell us we needed to book some person called ‘Rufus’, but we told them the Sydney Dog show wasn’t planned until August so they’d have to wait.”

“We had Sheppard playing an afternoon acoustic show on the Opera House forecourt, but due to local residents we had to curfew the music after 9pm.”

“I think you can say it was a resounding success!”

Author: Stephen Bailey