EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | Contact
A local woman’s addiction to white noise has made her sick, as she finds herself not only blasting it during winter, but failing to clean it as well.
Amy Perkins is said to have been absolutely ‘copping it’ with her hay fever lately, including waking up every morning at 4am to a round of sneezes and a dribbling nose that would last well into the day.
Questioning why her hay fever was at its worst through winter, Amy had simply blamed it on the morning air that must be ‘seeping through under her door’, thinking nothing of the fact she was essentially blasting two years worth of skin cells into her face every night.
“I just need white noise to sleep”, insists Amy to our reporter, who tries to discern the original colour of the fan, “I’ve tried using apps or listening to ones on Spotify, but it’s not the same.”
“They can’t replicate white noise from a fan. Like it’s hard to explain but I swear I hear weird frequencies and buzzing sounds whenever I try anything else?”
Though she refuses to acknowledge that her illness was entirely her fault, Amy has promised our reporter that she will at least by a new pedestal fan, but that she doesn’t give a fuck how cold it gets, she will never stop using it.
More to come.