“Why Am I Like This?” Man Asks Himself After Falling In Love With A Genderless 10-Foot-Tall Blue Alien Again — The Betoota Advocate

"Why Am I Like This?" Man Asks Himself After Falling In Love With A Genderless 10-Foot-Tall Blue Alien Again — The Betoota Advocate

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

A Betoota Heights man has been left questioning everything this morning after a screening of Avatar 2 last night at the local shopping centre cinema.

Springing the extra couple of Australian pesos to see the blockbuster in XTREME 4D, Denver Mathewson was excited to finally see the next instalment of a film he vaguely remembers seeing as an 18-year-old.

The 31-year-old saw the first Avatar film in 3D after smoking some cannabis in the park next to the very shopping centre he saw the sequel last night.

Though he wasn’t stoned this time, he told The Advocate that the same thing happened to him this time as what happened last time.

“I found myself attracted to a genderless, 10-foot-tall blue alien,” he said.

“And not just a bit. Like, I’m ashamed to admit it. Fuck James Cameron, he’s messing with my brain. I told a mate at work that I thought that character was hot and he told me it was a bloke. I’m so confused,”

“Why am I like this? I can watch something like American Pie and you know, like kind of shrug at the girls in that. My brain’s like, ‘Oh yeah, they’re pretty attractive, hey?’ but you show me a hairless giant with a genital on the end of it’s tail and my heart is racing and I can’t stand up,”

“Life is hard enough. I don’t have a very good job and my parents don’t have any money, so it’s already stacked against me. Now, it seems like I can get off properly unless it involves a cute Na’vi. Fuck!”

More to come.

Author: Stephen Bailey