“Weak As Piss” Laughs Boss Seeing Staff He Took To The Pub Last Night Struggling To Function Today — The Betoota Advocate

"Weak As Piss" Laughs Boss Seeing Staff He Took To The Pub Last Night Struggling To Function Today — The Betoota Advocate

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

It’s nearing the silly season’s peak in Betoota with even the most dedicated workplaces taking to drinking on a school night.

One such office is the local branch of mid-tier domestic law firm, Minthurst Claypoon, who did their best last night to melt the corporate Amex card at the many licensed venues dotted throughout the French Quarter.

A partner from the corporate tax team told his team of ten to put their tools down yesterday afternoon around 3pm because they’d just won a big client and the work was going to start from next year so that meant a guilt-free celebration was in order.

For over 30 years, Roger Tucker has been provided nuanced and sage tax advice to many corporations and multinationals in the Diamantina. The 53-year-old was made a partner over 15 years ago and since then, he’s been teaching young legal professionals how to binge drink responsibly.

“I took them to a late lunch at one of my favourite haunts,” said Mr Tucker.

“A Chinese place where they know me. They have all the trimmings. The fishtanks, the Ching Tows [sic]. They know I like both fried and steamed dimmies on arrival and they know I like six quick stubbies of Ching Tow and then straight onto their heaviest bottle of red for desert. I took the team down and we got stuck in,”

“We walked out of there at about six. We walked into Cheeky O’Reilly’s and one young bloke looking to impress me ordered a round of shots and got the corporate card behind the bar before I did. That impressed me. So anyway, we posted up there for a few hours. A few couldn’t keep up and got kicked out. The smart ones went into the shitters and made themselves vomit. Honestly, nothing better than a good vom when you’ve over done it on the Chinese food and the grog. It just shoots out of you like a hose,”

“Nearing midnight, we ducked into a little bar and got around the negronis in a big way. I reckon I had about six. We called it after that around 3am, the young blokes left with me could hardly stand up. One of them tried to hug me. One said he loved me. Fuck me, what’s wrong with this generation?”

This morning, Roger said, he was the first one in the office.

“I got in an hour early to read the paper and have a coffee. Knock the rust off from last night,” he said.

“Then the team shuffled in, looking like they’d just been donating blood to Dracula. Eyes rolling around in their head. Stinking of grog. Disgusting and unprofessional if you ask me. Weak as piss,”

“You’d think they’d never been pissed in their life!”

More to come.

Author: Stephen Bailey