LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT
A last minute name change has taken place at St Toff’s Private Hospital as new parents went with a rogue name choice for their new baby boy.
According to new parents Sasha and Maverick Stephenson, when their screaming little fleshy parcel of bones was brought into the world they took one look at him and decided the name they picked out wasn’t really his vibe.
Initially telling friends and family their new bubba would be called Phillip, after a grandfather and the Millennial trend of giving kids deliberately daggy names, the new parents took a look at their new shitting potato and decided Rudolf was “much more him.”
“He just didn’t look like a Phillip,” stated mother Sasha, as if any newborns have ever looked like anything other than a helpless blob of sentient meat, let alone ‘a Phillip’.
“Rudolf is so much more him, isn’t it little Rudy? Yes it is!”
Although the new parents are brimming with primitive hormones that cause them to worship their child to ensure its survival, other visitors do not have such chemical feelings and are forced to agree with the naming choices out of respect for the fact their friends won’t sleep for a year.
“Yes, he’s not a Phillip at all is he,” stated one visitor, secretly hoping someone else would have a kid called Phillip so they could offload the custom baby cutlery they ordered.
“He can’t be a Phillip, he’s not managing a mattress outlet in regional Australia!”
“No, he’s much more of Rudolf. Look at that shiny red nose of his!”