Victorian Libs Make Last Ditch Effort To Win Back Votes With Bold ‘Dan Andrews Is A Trans Chinese Muslim Robot’ Campaign — The Betoota Advocate

Victorian Libs Make Last Ditch Effort To Win Back Votes With Bold 'Dan Andrews Is A Trans Chinese Muslim Robot' Campaign — The Betoota Advocate

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Despite being the most unlikable politician throughout the entire pandemic, it seems that Victorian Premier Dan Andrews is right on track for yet another landslide election victory.

This comes after a tumultuous couple years for Victorians, with close to 260 days locked down under the strictest public health orders in the world – complete with a ‘steel ring’ 5 kilometre radius and nightly curfews that crushed both small businesses and the human spirit.

However, despite his heavy-handed approach to managing a pandemic that will leave scars on the city of Melbourne for decades to come, the latest poll of of two-party preferred votes show the ALP at 58% and their embattled opposition at 42% with just two weeks until the state election.

While the Victorian Liberals will point to the sheer incompetence of the Scott Morrison government for tarnishing their brand, there are other theories as to why the Labor Party will retain power in a state that clearly does not like their current Premier.

Namely, the fact that the Victorian Opposition have spent the last three years openly engaging in medical denialism – with some of their MPs even descending into delusional anti-mask rhetoric, and conspiracies about Dan Andrews pretending to break his back.

‘The Ballad Of Tim Smith MP’ is also fresh in the memories of Victorians, after the dumbest man in Kew accused low income voters and immigrants of being ‘bong smokers’ who were actively undermining the pandemic management in an effort to give Dan Andrews more control of them (?) – before resigning as Shadow Attorney-General after pinballing his political career down Toorak Road with a blood-alcohol concentration of 0.131.

As the most vocal conspiracist in the Libs, it appears that Smith will not recontest his seat at this upcoming election. But then again, he might do what he wants because no one seems to have any control over anything in that party.

With their backs against the wall, and polls indicating that they are going to get absolutely pumped in what should be an unloseable election, the Libs are today unveiling a bold new campaign to win back the voters who think they are a bunch of deranged old toffs who have been humbled by the real world.

Speaking to their cuddly friends at the Murdoch media today, Liberal leader Matthew Guy has accused Dan Andrews of being a Trans Muslim Chinese Robot – as if this wouldn’t make Dan Andrews much cooler than the Labor Right nerd he actually is.

“I’m telling ya” said Matthew Guy, as he adjusted his al-foil hat.

“How do you think he broke his back and can still walk? He’s half robot.”

“He’s a robot that’s secretly Chinese and trans… and also Muslim. I’m telling ya man!!!”

Author: Stephen Bailey