LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT
Like an uncooked steak that has been in the fridge for 20 days, Victoria is mostly red with growing patches of green and absolutely no chance of being served blue.
As the Victorian state election draws near, the Victorian Liberal Party are trying some desperate tactics to get their obscure members up.
After releasing an embarrassing video where a staffers of deputy Victorian Liberal leader David Southwick pretended to be a regular people, the nation is relishing in the beloved pastime of giggling at this absolute waffle stomp of a political party.
Despite having the media on their side more than any footy team that is about to play Collingwood, the Vic Libs are about as useful as a wig for scuba divers and twice as ridiculous.
“Why do Liberal politicians spend so much time convincing us they are regular people?” asked one Melbourne youth Sarah Floogle (22) who assured us she wasn’t a Vic Liberal staffer who hadn’t disclosed her bias.
“You know who doesn’t have to invest hours into convincing people they are regular? Regular people! They’d know that if they actually were one!”
“Did they not at any point think to themselves ‘oi, we’re doing an ad about authenticity and we’re lying through our teeth, is this the move?’”
After hacking through the hate, the Victorian Liberal Party has decided to change it up a bit and spend the last two weeks of the election campaign trying their hardest to not be a national joke.
“There are lots of real young people who will be voting for us,” stated deputy Victorian Liberal leader, David Southwick, wearing a high vis bandana like a regular old bloke down the bottom pub.
“And as soon as we find one that doesn’t work for me we are rolling them out for a video that won’t be turned into a mem [sic].”