Vegan Earth Child Prances Through Beautiful Canola Crop That’s Had More RoundUp Sprayed On It Than The MCG — The Betoota Advocate

Vegan Earth Child Prances Through Beautiful Canola Crop That's Had More RoundUp Sprayed On It Than The MCG — The Betoota Advocate

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

A social media personality from our town’s progressive French Quarter has broken protocol today and posed with a canola crop that’s had more glyphosate dumped on it than any golf course or cricket ground in the country.

When she’s not chaining herself to farm equipment or abusing other members of our community in the supermarket for buying animal products, Teresa Adams of Rue du Mort Cérébrale, is posting on social media about organic food and produce and how it’s better for you.

This morning just after nine, the 35-year-old youngest child of a local rich old bastard posted to her Beebo that she’d just found a giant paddock of “wildflowers” and that it was clear evidence that nature was starting to heal itself.

“A meadow of wildflowers,” she said.

However, the paddock of wildflowers belongs to fourth-generation farmer Stirling-Crichton Steel-Cock, who explained to The Advocate that his paddock of canola is far, far from being organic.

It’s had more RoundUp sprayed on it, he says, than would’ve gone on the MCG to get it looking good for a Test match.

In addition to that, the 56-year-old said he also put a fair bit of fertilizer in the ground to get the paddock ready for such a nitrogen-thirsty crop like canola.

“Oh mate, if this thing was a pond, it’d be full of three-eyed fish, mate,” he said.

“Tell you what, I’d be washing my hands after I touched that stuff. Nah, I’m only kidding. It’s OK like this in the paddock but I’ve had a gutful of these people just pulling over and walking through the canola. Bringing their germs in from god knows where. Probably some bloody woman with visible tattoos coming home from bloody Bali with bloody foot and mouth all over her bloody thongs. Disgraceful, it is,”

“But yeah, nah. That crop out there is covered in chemicals, hey. It looks great, don’t you think? Real heavy in the head, you see how it droops a bit when the sun’s been on it. We’ll be stripping the stuff soon.”

More to come.

Author: Stephen Bailey