Upper Class Dog Has ‘A Condition’ — The Betoota Advocate

Upper Class Dog Has ‘A Condition’ — The Betoota Advocate

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT

Proving their pets are more important than your kids, the dog belonging to an upper class family has ‘a condition’.

After their suburb of Betoota Grove lifted their ban on dogs many years back, the Van Hadley family spent the equivalent of a small nation’s GDP on a new four legged friend.

The pooch in question is a teeny white hypoallergenic called Selfie which the Van Hadleys insist is a purebred despite it looking like several dogs mangled together in a car accident.

Although Selfie lives a lavish lifestyle with a meal plan, PT and 210K Instagram followers, it is not all fun and games for the dog which according to the family has ‘a condition’.

“When we take her on walks we have to carry her,” stated stay at home daughter Trigonometry Van Hadley, self described favourite of the sickly family dog. 

“And because of her perma-shedding she has to get a new carry bag each month.”

Other symptoms of the vague but ever-present condition include permanent staining around the mouth, inability to share a dog park with any dog over 5kgs and a constant need to be taken into the office with no questions asked.

“The vet loves us, doesn’t she Selfie? We are there every single week, aren’t we my beautiful little gorgeous girl? Getting your anxiety meds and lymphatic massage aren’t we?”

According to the Van Hadleys, they are not sure why Selfie requires so much medical attention but suspect it might have something to do with the dog being 24 years old.

“One time dad came home from this futurist convention with this device that could translate her sounds into English. Bloody thing was broken though, it just kept saying ‘Kill me. Kill me. Let me die” over and over again.”

MORE TO COME.

Author: Stephen Bailey