“That Should Make Me Feel Better” Says Man Who Just Pumped Two Kilos Of Cheesey Bowties — The Betoota Advocate

"That Should Make Me Feel Better" Says Man Who Just Pumped Two Kilos Of Cheesey Bowties — The Betoota Advocate

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

A French Quarter has made himself some comfort food this afternoon because he went quite hard on the weekend now feels quite flat.

“That should make me feel better,” said Darcy Coleman, a 35-year-old bachelor who lives in the apartment opposite our reporter.

He spoke to our reporter in the shared laundry of the apartment complex this afternoon. He was working from home and our reporter was observing the public holiday from last week.

“I had quite a weekend. After quite a heavy week on the brain varnish. We had clients come in from interstate during the week. Then the owner was in town on Friday and wanted to delete some pints with us. Then I had a cousin’s birthday on the Saturday night,”

“It was one of those ones where I didn’t know anybody except the my cousin, so I went a bit turbo and ended up buying a packet of gyprocker’s breathmints from the 7/11 on Greenbrayer Road. My lungs looked like garbage bags on Sunday morning. Then one of the blokes who I got to know just disappeared for 40 minutes and came back looking like he’d just put a fork in a powerpoint. He’d been up to no good and I wanted in.”

“Long story but everything just time warped from there,”

“I woke up fully-clothed in bed. No idea how I got back.”

Our reporter nodded.

“Needless to say, Sunday was hard. Yesterday wasn’t much better but today, my soul hurts,”

“So I boiled a whole bag of cheesey bowties and put half a bag of shredded cheese in it. I put some frozen broccoli in so it was healthier than if I didn’t,”

“If this doesn’t make me feel better, nothing will.”

More to come.

Author: Stephen Bailey