Average Australian On $62k A Year Upset To Learn Average Australian Wage Is $92k A Year — The Betoota Advocate
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Average Australian On $62k A Year Upset To Learn Average Australian Wage Is $92k A Year — The Betoota Advocate

RORY SALAZAR | Finance | Contact From deep within the thronging mass of average worker bees scurrying about Betoota’s financial district, a typical Joe has been caught staring vacantly…

Continue Reading Average Australian On $62k A Year Upset To Learn Average Australian Wage Is $92k A Year — The Betoota Advocate
Dust Covered Self Help Book From Last Christmas Friendly Reminder You’ve Done Jack Shit All Year — The Betoota Advocate
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Dust Covered Self Help Book From Last Christmas Friendly Reminder You’ve Done Jack Shit All Year — The Betoota Advocate

KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | CONTACT Steaming into his house after a night on the piss, it appears local carpet salesman Beau Hewitt has managed to do…

Continue Reading Dust Covered Self Help Book From Last Christmas Friendly Reminder You’ve Done Jack Shit All Year — The Betoota Advocate
Mid-Flight Coffee Costs More Than Qantas Paid In Tax This Year — The Betoota Advocate
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Mid-Flight Coffee Costs More Than Qantas Paid In Tax This Year — The Betoota Advocate

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT Betootan Keira Gould is sipping a coffee at 30,000 feet, knowing that she has sort of done her bit by paying for a…

Continue Reading Mid-Flight Coffee Costs More Than Qantas Paid In Tax This Year — The Betoota Advocate
The Poorest Rich People Say Goodbye To Skiing For Another Year — The Betoota Advocate
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The Poorest Rich People Say Goodbye To Skiing For Another Year — The Betoota Advocate

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT The poorest rich people in Australia have bid farewell to skiing for another year as the Australian snow season officially wraps. Known for…

Continue Reading The Poorest Rich People Say Goodbye To Skiing For Another Year — The Betoota Advocate
New Gambling Ad Standards Also Recommend That Bookies Actually Make Some Funny Ones Next Year — The Betoota Advocate
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New Gambling Ad Standards Also Recommend That Bookies Actually Make Some Funny Ones Next Year — The Betoota Advocate

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT In great news to anyone who just wants to watch some sport, new legislature will require gambling ads to feature cautionary disclaimers other…

Continue Reading New Gambling Ad Standards Also Recommend That Bookies Actually Make Some Funny Ones Next Year — The Betoota Advocate
Local 30 Year Old Feeling Cheated As Hangover Anxiousness Now As Bad As A Comedown — The Betoota Advocate
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Local 30 Year Old Feeling Cheated As Hangover Anxiousness Now As Bad As A Comedown — The Betoota Advocate

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | Contact A local woman has this weekend learned one of the harshest lessons of adulthood – whatever vice used to bring you joy, will…

Continue Reading Local 30 Year Old Feeling Cheated As Hangover Anxiousness Now As Bad As A Comedown — The Betoota Advocate
High School Teacher Goes Into Damage Control After Group Of Year 9s Find Her Burner Account — The Betoota Advocate
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High School Teacher Goes Into Damage Control After Group Of Year 9s Find Her Burner Account — The Betoota Advocate

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT A teacher at Betoota Heights secondary college is today dealing with a rapidly escalating situation. The Maths/IT teacher at the local high school…

Continue Reading High School Teacher Goes Into Damage Control After Group Of Year 9s Find Her Burner Account — The Betoota Advocate
Katter Says He Was Completely Unaware That Anybody Had Problem With The Melbourne Cup Unless It’s Some Sort Of Intellectual Reaction To The Snobby Attitudes Of Those Patch-On-Elbow Blue Bloods At Victorian Racing I Mean It’s No Wonder These Kiwi And Arab Horses Keep Winning The Bloody Thing When There’s No Active Push To Include Homegrown Horses I Mean If You Wanna See A Real Race You Should You Head To The Windorah Gymkhana Out There In The Barcoo, Mind You She Was Lucky To Get A Start This Year Due To This Unseasonal Downfall That Always Makes It A Bit Dangerous To Be Riding Rank Station Ponies At Full Pelt In A Pair Of RMs and Molekskin Trousers, I Always Remember The First Time My Boy Robbie Tried To Jump In The Saddle For The Trot-Canter-Gallop Event When He Was A Young Fella, You See He’d Borrowed This Mare From My Mate Bucktooth Toovey Out The Back Of Isisford Anyway He’s Halfway Through This Race And Looking Alright Actually, About To Change Gears For The Sprint Until This Sand Goanna Comes Out Of Nowhere And Spooks The Poor Thing To High Heavens, My Son Robbie, Fresh From The Cowboys Young Guns Squad, After Getting Dropped For Playing Like A Girl Just Quietly, Gets Thrown Like A Cannonball Into A Crowd Of Rum-Swilling Ringers Who’d Come To Town For A Look, Well That’s What I Thought Anyway, Turns Out A Few Of Them Were What You’d Describe As Motorcycle Enthusiasts, The Type Of Blokes You’d Rather Miss And Land On A Cactus, Now Robbie Knew As Well As I Do That As A Cleanskin Politician His Old Man Can’t Be Getting Involved In Any Disputes With These Kind Of Outlaws, So I Sent In A Couple Of Brophy’s Tent Boxers Who Were Making Light Work Out Of The Shandy Bar Round The Corner, These Blokes Come Steaming Through Like The Burgess Brothers And By Joh You Shoulda Seen The Blue The Boys Put On, I Mean I Shouldn’t Laugh, But We Definitely Still Do Behind Closed Doors Over Christmas, I Had To Make A Lot Of Election Promises To Soothe Things Over With The Committee After That One But The Locals Still Reckon Those Tickets Were The Best Money Ever Spent
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Katter Says He Was Completely Unaware That Anybody Had Problem With The Melbourne Cup Unless It’s Some Sort Of Intellectual Reaction To The Snobby Attitudes Of Those Patch-On-Elbow Blue Bloods At Victorian Racing I Mean It’s No Wonder These Kiwi And Arab Horses Keep Winning The Bloody Thing When There’s No Active Push To Include Homegrown Horses I Mean If You Wanna See A Real Race You Should You Head To The Windorah Gymkhana Out There In The Barcoo, Mind You She Was Lucky To Get A Start This Year Due To This Unseasonal Downfall That Always Makes It A Bit Dangerous To Be Riding Rank Station Ponies At Full Pelt In A Pair Of RMs and Molekskin Trousers, I Always Remember The First Time My Boy Robbie Tried To Jump In The Saddle For The Trot-Canter-Gallop Event When He Was A Young Fella, You See He’d Borrowed This Mare From My Mate Bucktooth Toovey Out The Back Of Isisford Anyway He’s Halfway Through This Race And Looking Alright Actually, About To Change Gears For The Sprint Until This Sand Goanna Comes Out Of Nowhere And Spooks The Poor Thing To High Heavens, My Son Robbie, Fresh From The Cowboys Young Guns Squad, After Getting Dropped For Playing Like A Girl Just Quietly, Gets Thrown Like A Cannonball Into A Crowd Of Rum-Swilling Ringers Who’d Come To Town For A Look, Well That’s What I Thought Anyway, Turns Out A Few Of Them Were What You’d Describe As Motorcycle Enthusiasts, The Type Of Blokes You’d Rather Miss And Land On A Cactus, Now Robbie Knew As Well As I Do That As A Cleanskin Politician His Old Man Can’t Be Getting Involved In Any Disputes With These Kind Of Outlaws, So I Sent In A Couple Of Brophy’s Tent Boxers Who Were Making Light Work Out Of The Shandy Bar Round The Corner, These Blokes Come Steaming Through Like The Burgess Brothers And By Joh You Shoulda Seen The Blue The Boys Put On, I Mean I Shouldn’t Laugh, But We Definitely Still Do Behind Closed Doors Over Christmas, I Had To Make A Lot Of Election Promises To Soothe Things Over With The Committee After That One But The Locals Still Reckon Those Tickets Were The Best Money Ever Spent

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT With less than 24 hours until the Race That Stops The Nation, the same hashtags that once dominated social media before the pandemic…

Continue Reading Katter Says He Was Completely Unaware That Anybody Had Problem With The Melbourne Cup Unless It’s Some Sort Of Intellectual Reaction To The Snobby Attitudes Of Those Patch-On-Elbow Blue Bloods At Victorian Racing I Mean It’s No Wonder These Kiwi And Arab Horses Keep Winning The Bloody Thing When There’s No Active Push To Include Homegrown Horses I Mean If You Wanna See A Real Race You Should You Head To The Windorah Gymkhana Out There In The Barcoo, Mind You She Was Lucky To Get A Start This Year Due To This Unseasonal Downfall That Always Makes It A Bit Dangerous To Be Riding Rank Station Ponies At Full Pelt In A Pair Of RMs and Molekskin Trousers, I Always Remember The First Time My Boy Robbie Tried To Jump In The Saddle For The Trot-Canter-Gallop Event When He Was A Young Fella, You See He’d Borrowed This Mare From My Mate Bucktooth Toovey Out The Back Of Isisford Anyway He’s Halfway Through This Race And Looking Alright Actually, About To Change Gears For The Sprint Until This Sand Goanna Comes Out Of Nowhere And Spooks The Poor Thing To High Heavens, My Son Robbie, Fresh From The Cowboys Young Guns Squad, After Getting Dropped For Playing Like A Girl Just Quietly, Gets Thrown Like A Cannonball Into A Crowd Of Rum-Swilling Ringers Who’d Come To Town For A Look, Well That’s What I Thought Anyway, Turns Out A Few Of Them Were What You’d Describe As Motorcycle Enthusiasts, The Type Of Blokes You’d Rather Miss And Land On A Cactus, Now Robbie Knew As Well As I Do That As A Cleanskin Politician His Old Man Can’t Be Getting Involved In Any Disputes With These Kind Of Outlaws, So I Sent In A Couple Of Brophy’s Tent Boxers Who Were Making Light Work Out Of The Shandy Bar Round The Corner, These Blokes Come Steaming Through Like The Burgess Brothers And By Joh You Shoulda Seen The Blue The Boys Put On, I Mean I Shouldn’t Laugh, But We Definitely Still Do Behind Closed Doors Over Christmas, I Had To Make A Lot Of Election Promises To Soothe Things Over With The Committee After That One But The Locals Still Reckon Those Tickets Were The Best Money Ever Spent
#NupToTheCup Activist Not Sure If He's Got It In Him For A Third Year Of This Shit — The Betoota Advocate
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#NupToTheCup Activist Not Sure If He’s Got It In Him For A Third Year Of This Shit — The Betoota Advocate

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | Contact A Melbourne local has today revealed to The Advocate that he may do away with one of his favourite annual traditions. On the…

Continue Reading #NupToTheCup Activist Not Sure If He’s Got It In Him For A Third Year Of This Shit — The Betoota Advocate
Sydney Records Wettest Year Since Leo Was In Town Filming Great Gatsby — The Betoota Advocate
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Sydney Records Wettest Year Since Leo Was In Town Filming Great Gatsby — The Betoota Advocate

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | Contact As Sydney cops yet another day of soggy weather courtesy of La Niña, many people have braced themselves for a slow and steamy…

Continue Reading Sydney Records Wettest Year Since Leo Was In Town Filming Great Gatsby — The Betoota Advocate