“Surely They Don’t Mean Us,” Say Holidaying Inner-City Lefties Staying In Some French Prick’s Flat — The Betoota Advocate

"Surely They Don't Mean Us," Say Holidaying Inner-City Lefties Staying In Some French Prick's Flat — The Betoota Advocate

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

A pair of teal-voting lunatics from the French Quarter, our town’s vibrant yet hellish bohemian distrcit, have been mugged off by some Parisian graffiti today which told them to either support the local economy by staying at a hotel or fucking off back to the Simpson Desert.

Stencilled onto a wall near the pyramid museum building in Paris was a statement that told tourists using city-destroying platforms like AirBnB and OrtoPhellatio to go away because they are helping foster an environment that leads to higher rents and lower occupancy rates in cities where housing is in crisis.

However, for Kettle White and Frisbee Taylor of Rue de Putain, they felt the message they saw today didn’t apply to them.

“We’re one of the good guys, we voted for our local teal candidate,” they said to The Advocate via Zoom this afternoon.

“Even though David Littleproud or should we say, David Little-to-be-proud-of [explosive laughter] ended up winning the seat, we definitely sent him a message by voting for our local teal candidate,”

Our reporter asked Kettle and Frisbee to answer the question and to refrain from getting sidetracked about who they voted for and why.

“Oh, well. We just like Airbnb because you really feel like you’re a bonafide local!” said Frisbee.

“When you stay at a hotel, sure you’re supporting local jobs and putting your money back into the economy instead of into the pockets of a giant parasitic global conglomerate that refuses to pay tax anywhere and whichever soft-eyed loser who owns the property. I get that. But in Paris, we stayed in this gorgeous Art Nouveau apartment in the 8th Arrondissement and the neighbours would greet us in French. Argh! Be still my beating heart!”

Kettle nodded.

“Hotels are great but you really feel like a tourist when you stay in one. Appearing like you’re a tourist overseas is litterally the least-cool thing you can do. If I wanted to stay in a hotel, I’d only do it somewhere like Dubai or Fiji where they’re nice but the people who live there are quite poor and don’t have WiFi or decent cookware. Plus, AirBnb are disruptors. Don’t hate the player, hate the game! [more explosive laughter] No, I get it. I can see your point but like,”

“Are you always on? Like don’t you ever take a break from all that stuff?”

More to come.

Author: Stephen Bailey