Singled-Roomed Luxury Apartment Boosts Listing Price With Euphemistic Description Of ‘Modern Open Plan Living’ — The Betoota Advocate

Singled-Roomed Luxury Apartment Boosts Listing Price With Euphemistic Description Of 'Modern Open Plan Living’ — The Betoota Advocate

RORY SALAZAR | Finance | Contact

The listing price of a single-roomed luxury apartment in Betoota’s flight path district has doubled after Real Estate Agency, Carton’s Real Estate, listed the property online using strong descriptive language.

According to the Agency’s website, the single-roomed apartment includes ‘architecturally designed free flowing spaces beloved for their flexibility and endless possibilities’. The modern open plan layout ‘toys with a delightful interplay of materials, tones and floor-to-ceiling mirrors to create the perfect illusion of space’. 

If words can be believed, these ‘thoughtful and stylish elements’ combine to create an ‘iconic high-end luxury boutique standard of living that is fit for a god’. 

The Advocate can confirm that the apartment has in fact set a new standard of living in Betoota. It is the first apartment in the region that allows residents to be at once in the living room watching TV above the stove top in the kitchen, while also taking a shit on the toilet which is the only form of seating in the entire single-room.

It’s these understated combination of factors working together that promises a lifestyle of ultimate luxury, according to the Agency’s website. 

And it’s not just the apartment itself that has been so eloquently described, but the apartment building too. Despite being located on the very outskirts of town and some 182kms from the Diamantina River, the building is advertised as being where ‘city meets the sea’.

The ‘bespoke’ building offers ‘open-aired, ground floor outdoor terraces’ that appear to be very much used as a footpath by passers-by. But that’s not all. The building boasts ‘around the clocks concierge service’ that is actually just a chat bot on an iPad situated behind the fire exit of the building’s only stairwell. 

The website gloats that residents can enjoy their own ‘spacious wine cellar’ that, as The Advocate discovered, refers to the gigantic Dan Murphy’s next door. The building even has its very own ‘infinity pool’, which The Advocate can confirm is really just the public pool at the YMCA one suburb over. 

At time of print, the apartment was listed as being ‘under offer’.

Author: Stephen Bailey