ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
Two young fellas from our town’s vapid, soulless Heights district are set to link up tonight for some good, old-fashioned power drinking after the rain reportedly scared away any young ladies planning to head out after work for some brain varnish.
“Mulligans?” asked Mike Dudley to John Dormer.
Both Mr Dudley and Mr Dormer have no interest in going back to their one-bedroom Meriton shitboxes and putting on some Netflix. That was put to them by our reporter as a possible alternative to what they had in mind.
Mr Dudley spoke to The Advocate today in the undercover part of the Gelded Seahorse Hotel’s smoking section.
“John and I are going to ride the lightning tonight,” he said.
“We’re going to be power drinking like we’re 19 and on a footy tour. But yeah, bugger this rain. We’re going to Mulligans because it’s a good drinking pub. It’s not that expensive. You can bring outside food in. The barman knows us by name and the regulars don’t want to stamp on our heads until our brains come out of our ears. It’s a nice place but I’ll tell you one thing it lacks. Women our age that we can smile and nod at after making some pensive eye contact,”
“Nah mate, the rain has scared them away, I reckon. I mean, you can’t go to nightclubs these days. I’m in my mid-30s. There’s nothing for me inside at a place like, uh, like the Scarlett Pimpernel. Fuck, we used to give it a nudge there back in the day but it’s for schoolies and students. We could’ve gone up to the Royal but it’s mostly outside these days so it’ll be fucked up there. Getting around will be fucked, too. I spose we could get the trolleybus up to the French Quarter but I can’t speak Betootanese Creole that well and those snooty cunts pretend they don’t know what you’re saying at the bar when you speak English,”
“So yeah, John and I are going drinking. Only acknowledge each other every 15 minutes. Four sips per schooner. Heaven.”
More to come.