CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT
A recent report by Qantas has found that turbulence is far less likely on a flight if you are feeling fresh and hydrated.
It also found that having a hangover increases the likelihood turbulence by 2% for every schooner you had on an empty tummy the night before
The new study, which was commissioned by QANTAS CEO Alan Joyce to take the the spotlight off the fact that he sacked all of his baggage handlers and experienced administration staff in the middle of the pandemic and replaced them with labour hire contractors who get paid half as much, has confirmed all previously held theories.
The number one cause of bumpy flights, turbulence occurs when there is some sort of change in the air around your plane. Currents of air move up and down, ripple out, change direction, and change speed – this can cause an aeroplane to jolt, and scare the fuck out of their passengers.
Some of the things that cause turbulence are easier to predict: like when there are mountains below, or weather patterns nearby. However, it wasn’t until today did scientists realised that passenger hangovers also increased the likelihood of a bumpy flight.
“What we’ve found is that the severity of a flight’s turbulences is directly linked to how hangover you are” said Alan Joyce, in that cute little Tallaght accent.
“If you are a clean-living individual who has a healthy relationship with alcohol. You might not ever experience turbulence in your life”
“It is solely dependent on whether you are in a brittle mental state. That’s when it strikes”
“But if you are returning home from a three day bucks party on the Gold Coast, you better believe that the sky Gods will make you pay for your sins.”