Schooner Glass Edges Closer To Piss-Soaked Trough Wall With Every Slash — The Betoota Advocate

Schooner Glass Edges Closer To Piss-Soaked Trough Wall With Every Slash — The Betoota Advocate

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT

After two and a bit years of hand sanitiser and sit-down-only dining, it seems the regulars at Betoota’s Lord Kidman Hotel must be looking to beef up their immune systems.

Either that, or they are just pissed.

This pre-pandemic attitude was on display for all tonight, as Betoota-based compact tractor rental fleet manager Damien Callas (35) returned to the good old days of taking his schooner with him for a slash.

This is a risky manoeuvre for Damo, who has been effectively out of the mid-week drinking game since 2019.

His once unquestionable ability to balance his schooner on the 10 centimetre wide steel surface above the piss trough has grown rusty in the off-season, leaving everyone except a drunken Damo to wonder if he’s about to expose himself to the 150 different types of dehydrated urine that has splashed up onto the wall since the pub’s Sunday night steam clean.

His first visit to the little boys room goes well, although he does struggle with the placement.

The second is the most impressive, as he plants the glass perfectly in accordance to the universal model of 70% of the base touching steel – and 30% overhang.

However, by the third, fourth and fifth visits – it appears that Damo is getting precariously close to the tiles.

While this descent into the grossest behaviour that he has engaged in since the start of the pandemic might horrify his mum and girlfriend – Damo hasn’t given any thought to it.

As basic pub maths would deduce, five trips to the loo would equate to schooeys – enough for his fuzzy amber-soaked mind to completely detach from the rules of basic hygiene.

As he trods on in for 6th slash, he overshoots it.

He’s made contact. Solid contact. The clink is so loud that the accountant standing at the other end of the trough is very well aware of what is happening here.

Damo looks down at his schooner and looks back at the civilian, before finishing 3 quarters of heavy lager in one sip, all while maintaining contact.

“Ye get that on that big jobs” he mutters, while giving it a shake.

Author: Stephen Bailey