ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
Some tired old bastard on his way back from Port Douglas was seen blowing up at the Qantas Ground Staff at the Betoota Remienko Memorial Aerotropolis this afternoon because the airline somehow lost his suitcase full of beige barge arse pants.
The man, Kevin Goink of Slater Avenue in Betoota Grove, said he had every reason to be upset because he’s been loyally flying with the big red and white Skybus his whole life and this is the first time they’ve let him down like this.
The 71-year-old told the ground staff members at the service desk to “go and find his bag right now” before telling them that he’s “not happy”.
However, one of the Qantas Ground Staff members that spoke to The Advocate a short time ago said that conditions at Remienko had gotten so bad, the only way they’ve been able to get through the past few months was to dial up the apathy.
“I told Mr Goink, the one who yelled at me, that I’d check to see if his bag was in the back of the service desk area, so I just walked in the back room and stood there for two minutes and came back. That made him upset,” they said.
“Then I tapped a few keys on the keyboard and said, ‘Oh my God, Mr Goink. Your Gazmans are on their way to Syria! You might have to wear one of your wife’s dresses home!’ which really set him off. He wanted to see my manager after that one,”
“So my manager just happens to be in the area and overhears this exchange so he comes over. He walks up to Mr Goink and tells him to go upstairs to the Remote Retrieval Team to file a report. He tries not to laugh which sets me off giggling. That doesn’t even exist,”
“Then this other guy comes over and says he has Google AirTags or some other rich yuppie gizmo that tells him where his bag is. He says his suitcase is in Bali and I say who gives a fuck. You might as well leave it there with all that foot and mouth,”
“It’s the only way to get through this. By roasting passengers to their face.”
More to come.