Renting Peasant To Boost Amount Of Grease Going Down The Sink After Uncouth Rental Increase — The Betoota Advocate

Renting Peasant To Boost Amount Of Grease Going Down The Sink After Uncouth Rental Increase — The Betoota Advocate

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

A young man living with other young men in a French Quarter share house has hit back at the landlord in a special way this week after being slapped with an uncouth, unsportsmanlike rental increase moving into the holiday period.

From now on, Dennis Mulligan of Rue de Branlette will make sure to put every drop of grease down the sink instead of pouring it into an empty beer can and letting it cool before chucking it in the creek over the back fence.

The 25-year-old added that he and his fellow low-testosterone housemates are no longer motivated to look after the property, especially after learning something about their landlord that the agent failed to disclose during the negotiations.

“Our agent said,’Oh you know how it is, boys. Everyone has a mortgage to pay,’ implying that our landlord had a mortgage, so I did a title search on the place and guess what, the cunt owns it outright,” he said.

“First strike. So anyway, the agent pretty much said pay it or fuck off back to Betoota Heights so yeah, we’re going to pay it but this landlord is going to get it,”

“This morning, I cooked up a whole bag of bacon for me and the boys. There would’ve been a pint of pig fat in the pan and guess what, it went right down the sink.”

When asked what his plan would be if the landlord tried to take some of his bond to fix the plumbing when he moved out, Dennis said he knew exactly what he’d do.

“They didn’t remove his address from our original lease, so I’d probably start fucking with him. Like, I’d RoundUp his front garden. I’d get a dishwashing glove, find a dog poo and then smear the poo under the door handle of his BMW. I might even throw a pot of brake fluid over the bonnet. There’s literally no end to my imagination.”

More to come.

Author: Stephen Bailey