Recently Dumped Bloke Decides Against Guaranteed Sex And Happy Marriage With Woman Who Smiled At Him On Street — The Betoota Advocate

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT

Recently single fella Ryan Teak (34) has learnt the hard way that the world is really not designed for single people.

After being dumped by his misso of six years, due to him constantly referring to her as his misso for six years, Teak has lived through the traditional mourning and reckons he’s ready to get back out there.

It has been four days since his ex moved out.

However, Teak believes his deceased relationship was not a waste of time as he has emerged a changed and more mature man.

According to Teak, just yesterday he turned down guaranteed sex and a long and happy marriage with a random woman who smiled politely at him on the street.

“She’s great, she really is, I’m just not ready,” stated Teak in regards to a woman in his community who was really just giving him a neighbourly acknowledgement. 

“I appreciate it, truly I do. She came to me willingly and maybe something could happen but it will be in another lifetime.”

The Advocate reached out to the mysterious offerer of sex and a comitted relationship for a comment and received the following response:

“Jesus Christ did he really say all that? I’m not quite even sure who you’re talking about, I smile at my neighbours, this is a small town, it’s a nice thing to do but shit I won’t be doing it anymore! If you see him, tell him I’m gay.”

When this statement was read to Teak he said he understood, gave a nostalgic laugh, opened an incognito window on his browser and asked us all to leave.

Author: Stephen Bailey