Rather Odd Bloke Turns Out To Just Be A Middle-Class Kiwi — The Betoota Advocate

Rather Odd Bloke Turns Out To Just Be A Middle-Class Kiwi — The Betoota Advocate

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large| Contact

A strange young man with the personality of a smacked dog has turned out to just be a typical Kiwi, bringing much-needed comfort to the man’s new colleagues.

On Monday, Ashley Rowe started work at a French Quarter media agency and from the get-go, a number of his coworkers noticed some incredibly odd behaviour.

One coworker told The Advocate that he turned down a lunch invitation on Monday because he’d brought his own. That lunch was a large tin of sardines, which he referred to as “slippery little jimmies”.

“It was obvious that he was a New Zealander from his accent,” said the coworker.

“But initially, that didn’t provide a reason as to why he was carrying on like a little weirdo. I had one bloke from account come to my desk and ask, ‘Hey, do you know the bloke in the kitchen who’s eating sardines whole? Like he’s just sliding them down his throat like a seagull,’ and I said absolutely not,”

“So I popped up and had a look. It was Ashley.”

The 28-year-old is from a middle-class neighbourhood in Wellington and his parents have jobs, not unlike the one he has right now.

He went to a non-elite private school and went on a holiday each year. His parents still enjoy each other’s company.

It wasn’t until his extremely antisocial behaviours were reported to HR did his colleagues find solace.

“HR asked us if Ashley was a middle-class Kiwi person,” said one coworker.

“That’s when the penny dropped. Of course. That’s why he’s such a freak. All those strange things he was doing. Like calling things by strange, made-up names. Yesterday, he asked me why men’s toilets don’t have a little ‘Chamber of Secrets’ next to them like they do in the women’s and disabled toilets. It took a second but yeah, he was talking about sanitary bins. Then when we went out for lunch on Tuesday, he told us all chicken was his favourite meat because ‘killing a pig or horse or cow was like killing a very clever dog’. He said that in front of the CEO. When we went for work drinks yesterday and we left him in charge to order a round of drinks for us. We told him what we wanted and he came back with 16 pints of cider. He said it was from New Zealand his his Nan lost her teeth from it,”

“He’s nice but mate, you know what I mean.”

More to come.

Author: Stephen Bailey