Pub With $11 Schooners Could Surely Afford Some Fucking Toilet Seats That Stay Up During A Slash — The Betoota Advocate

Pub With $11 Schooners Could Surely Afford Some Fucking Toilet Seats That Stay Up During A Slash — The Betoota Advocate

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT

While no longer too concerned about that whole spicy flu, one local Betoota Heights man has today made use of the most reliable anti-germ measure available.

While taking a slash in the pisser at the Heighty Hilton (Betoota Heights Tavern), Bruno Cumberbatch (32) has used his boot for both the door as well as the seat.

The lack of urinals in the men’s bathrooms initially presented a challenge to the local stock and station agent, who only needed to do a number one, and therefore didn’t need to worry about sitting on any of the millions of germs on the surface of the toilet seat.

However, after flicking the seat up with his boot, it became clear that Bruno was now facing one of the most inconvenient peeves of modern Australia.

The bung toilet seat.

“It’s especially frustrating because I just paid that bastard at the bar eleven bucks for a schooner of lager.”

“They’ve got an acre of fucken pokie machines out the back, every single one of them is currently being ridden by a pensioner. They’ve got thirty dollar shnittys. The price of beer would cause my old man to faint, and on top of that they’re charging us two bucks for a go on Buckhunter.”

“And they still can’t wrangle a toilet seat that sits upright while ya drain it”

The man’s initial idea of shielding his hand with toilet paper felt as though it might have been a bit too pedantic, and he instead went for a more low-tech option.

After checking all available stalls for a toilet that already had the seat resting upwards, a critical decision was made to utilise his leather footwear to avoid touching any plastic or porcelain that might’ve been exposed to someone’s bare arse.

While the bathroom appeared clean enough for him to use his bare hands on the flush button, the sleeve of his shirt was then utilised to turn the bathroom sink tap off.

The boot was once again used to open the bathroom door on the way out.

“Sick of it” said Bruno, as he headed back to the bar to bury his frustration into another 11 buck schooey.

Author: Stephen Bailey