WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet |CONTACT
One of the Channel Country’s most esteemed tertiary institutions has today revealed they are contemplating a major operational change.
The University of Betoota, the sandstone brother of our more functional South Betoota Polytechnic institution, has announced that it is considering scrapping trimesters.
In their place will be a fast pace and exciting Octo-mester model, which will break the year up into 8 individual octo-mesters.
“The Octomester Model will allow students to complete a course in just 20 days,” explained the University of Betoota’s Vice-Chancellor.
“It’s an innovative and exciting new structure that would allow students to complete an entire business degree in just 8 months if they want to,” continued the man who makes $900,000 a year and rakes in plenty of bonuses for increased revenue.
“Rather than have stupid old semesters where students spend at least 8 hours a week face to face for each course for nearly 5 months, students can tick the required boxes in just 3 weeks!”
When asked how students would be able to learn required knowledge with the amount of face-to-face learning time now reduced by nearly 90%, the VC explained that the new ‘optimized learning plan’ would facilitate that.
“Don’t worry about all that,” said the man in charge of an educational facility that is supposed to train our nurses, doctors, and teachers.
“We are confident we can educate people up to standard, but that’s not really the role of universities anymore”
“We are really just a business now.”
The VC then explained that while the length of the degrees was reducing so significantly, the cost would still remain the same.
“Don’t be silly.”
“Of course we are going to keep charging the same amount.”
“And we’ll still charge international students triple.”
“We gotta keep those revenues rising.”
More to come.