PM Asks Greens If Outright Banning The Use Of Fossil Fuels From Today Will Make Them Happy — The Betoota Advocate

PM Asks Greens If Outright Banning The Use Of Fossil Fuels From Today Will Make Them Happy — The Betoota Advocate

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

The Prime Minister is under fire this week from environmental groups after the government green-lit a number of oil and gas exploration projects despite being elected on a climate change mandate.

Nearly 50 000 square clicks have been opened up by Anthony Albanese’s first government, which is celebrating it’s 100th day in power today, which he says is “routine” and “needed”.

Speaking to reporters today in Sydney, Mr Albanese said he was trying to find the magic button in his office which will stop Australia’s dependence on fossil fuels overnight but has yet to locate it.

“It’s an everyday struggle,” he said.

“But yeah, I understand. I understand why you’ve got these poached egg-eating teal voters upset. I can understand why you’ve got green voters upset. But the reality of the situation is that you just can’t stop using fossil fuels straight away. It’s like quitting smoking. Going cold turkey doesn’t always work and there’s much better ways to do it. Going cold turkey creates a huge amount of personal and spiritual turmoil. Just ask Barnaby Joyce,”

“Whereas, I’m reading the Alan Carr book on quitting fossil fuels. I’m on the Champax. By the end of my first term of government, we’ll still be knocking back Nicobate tic-tacs when we smell fresh coffee in the morning and when that first cold schooner hits our lips after, I’m sorry Shaq block your ears, after an absolute CUNT of a week. That’s when you want to enjoy the smoothest Peter Stuyvesant blue from a soft pack in the soft spring sunshine. We will not give in,”

“Back to what I was saying. When working Australians can afford a place to live and an electric vehicle, then sure. But until then, people need fossil fuels for transport. They need them to charge their Teslas. In the future, sure, we might not need them but in the next decade, if you think we can just do without this stuff then you’ve had too much poached egg in your life,”

“But what if I just banned fossil fuels from tonight at 6pm? Would that make the Greens happy? It would certainly make it harder for Adam [Bandt] to get home to Melbourne. He’d be doing the old Cliff Young down the Hume if you ask me.”

Mr Albanese refused to answer any questions and left.

More to come.

Author: Stephen Bailey