ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
“Hello, lefties,” said Opposition leader Peter Dutton.
“Do you have a minute to talk about the good things that Victorian Liberal leader Matthew Guy has planned for the people of this over-gentrified bohemian shithole?”
Mr Dutton spoke to residents of Fitzroy today, mostly through their security doors and doorbells.
The Queenslander is in Victoria this week to help his southern counterparts take on the might that is Daniel Andrews and the Victorian Liberal Party, just days after Prime Minister Anthony Albanese announce he was going to help fund Premier Andrews’ grand suburban loop infrastructure project.
Going from door to door, Mr Dutton says his reception in Fitzroy has been mixed in a short doorstop interview with The Advocate’s roving Melbourne reporter.
“I just got a coffee from a cafe there and while I felt a lot of eyes on me, nobody said anything. They made me my coffee, which surprised me because usually, you can’t get a flat white in a mug with two caramel pumps anywhere south of Kogarah. It was actually drinkable,” he said.
“The little freak with all the shit in his face who made it even smiled at me, the meek cunt [explosive laughter] Oh man, I bet he tells his little freak mates that he spat in it later when he’s down the pub drinking a craft beer out of a fucking gumboot or whatever these perverts do around here,”
“Some hero called me a fuckwit from a moving car. Yeah, I’m shaking in my boots! [more explosive laughter]”
When asked why he thought it’d be good to come down and help with the campaign, despite Matthew Guy explicitly telling him to stay the hell away from Victoria, Mr Dutton said he knew he’d connect with some voters.
“He’ll be right,” said Mr Dutton.
“And if he’s not, there’s thousands of soft-eyed Toorak doormats that’ll take his place.”
More to come.