“Packer Was A Genius Inventing World Series Cricket” Says Old Bastard That Reckons Greg Norman Is Ruining Golf — The Betoota Advocate

"Packer Was A Genius Inventing World Series Cricket" Says Old Bastard That Reckons Greg Norman Is Ruining Golf — The Betoota Advocate

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

One of our town’s elders has spoken this morning so we as a community must listen, according to the elder.

The President of the Royal Betoota Country Club has broken his silence on the controversy surrounding the sport his organisation has made inaccessible to locals who were born in the wrong postcode to parents that actually work for a living.

Mr Peter Clark told The Advocate exclusively that he cannot believe golfer-turned-entrepreneur Greg Norman would take aim at the golfing establishment like he has – with backing from Saudi Arabia.

“It’s terrible what The Shark is doing to golf,” he said.

“The money is coming from a place where we shouldn’t be taking money. I know that the United States sells a lot of munitions and military equipment to the Saudis, which they’re currently using on Yemeni farmers. But did you know the Saudis killed a journalist? I know what you’re going to say, the Americans have killed lots of journalists, too. They’re probably going to kill Townsville-local Julian Assange, too. But they killed Jamal Khashoggi in an embassy, so there’s that. You just can’t take money from anywhere. That’s why I think it’s despicable. Plus, it treads all over the traditions of the game. The shorter tournaments, no cuts, shotgun starts. LIV Golf isn’t golf, it’s just a shorter, flashier version that’s designed to bring in more fans. He should show more respect to the establishment.”

When asked by our reporter what he thought of World Series Cricket, Mr Clark rocked back in his chair and smiled.

“Kerry used to say Royal Betoota was as close as you could get to playing Pine Valley outside of America,” said he said.

“The man knew what he was talking about. Kerry Packer is the father of modern cricket and I loved his Aussie panache in sticking it to those silly poms and their cucumber sandwiches. He created a game that brought the world together. The best players from all over the world, playing at the MCG, the SCG and everywhere else. It was as good as cricket got.”

He paused.

“I know what you’re going to say. Kerry Packer’s money was a lot cleaner than Saudi money. Print media, television, beef cattle and uh grey-area tax avoidance are a lot better than oil and human rights abuses. They’re not the same. Anyone who says they are is probably a leftie that needs a hug from Dad.”

More to come.

Author: Stephen Bailey