LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT
A report by the Betoota Pediatric Institute has confirmed that other people’s kids are way more unruly and annoying than your well-behaved hypothetical ones.
After undertaking the laborious task that is organising a catch up with a mate who has kids, currently childless couple Dorean and Amber spent a weekend with their mates John and Sue and their two infant children who make noise enough for six.
Having not been around young children in many years, Dorean and Amber seemed to have forgotten just how much infants control everything while lacking even the most basic of qualifications.
“Johnny bought himself a schmick TV and PS5 but I reckon he’s used it once,” stated Amber.
“The rest of the time the TV is just a vehicle for kids shows and always the same couple of episodes which they don’t even watch! They just put them on and run around while leaving a trail of crumbs.”
Although the weekend has the childless couple seriously considering life without kids, Dorean and Amber are confident that their hypothetical children would never do this to them.
“They will be allowed an hour of TV a week and that’s if they’ve finished their book for book club and correctly managed their permaculture station. After that it will be straight to bed at 7pm so their parents can have some quiet time, completely uninterrupted.”
John and Sue declined to provide a formal response to their friend’s comments but did briefly state that “that was the funniest thing they’ve ever heard,” and that “it’s different when they’re your own.”
MORE TO COME.