Nimbin Used To Be Way Better, Says Uncle Spud — The Betoota Advocate

Nimbin Used To Be Way Better, Says Uncle Spud — The Betoota Advocate

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The alternative Northern Rivers enclave of Nimbin is no where near as good as it used to be, it has been confirmed.

This was clarified last night at a pre-Christmas dinner with Dad’s side of the family, as the one uncle who can speak as an authority of on this topic decided to put to bed any suggestions that the bush marijuana capital was still worth visiting.

“Full of junkies and swindlers nowadays” says Uncle Spud, who could arguably have been tarred with both of those labels at different times throughout his life.

This conversation, which comes up every second year or so when the family discusses either bushfires or the Byron property market, is received just as well by the aunties who don’t really care too much for the great injustices surrounding the criminalisation of cannabis.

A recent road trip by one of the nephews has led to the groundbreaking revelations that you can still buy weed and hash brownies off strangers in the streets in Nimbin, and no one can really stop you.

But Uncle Spud, a part-time jam and marmalade preserver who lives between Lismore and West End, says that Nimbin is well past it’s peak.

“You shoulda seen it in the 70s young fella. The hooch was cheap and the love was free” he says, with a creepy wink.

The entire family shudders as they are forced to over-ride the mental image of Uncle Spud getting freaky with a Janis Joplin looking hippy chick in the back of his Toyota Hiace.

“Back then you could buy whatever you wanted if you knew where to go”

One of the more conservative aunties finally intervenes.

“Spud can you please stop telling us how much you enjoy doing drugs”

This gentle request is met with genuine offence from Spud, who gets that stoner-rage look in his eyes, often reserved for conversations about the indefensible state-sponsored torture of Julian Assange.

“Oh I’m sorry Martha, did things get a bit too real for you and the Stepford wives?!” he growls at his sister and in-laws.

“For your information. Marijuana is not a drug. It’s a plant. That comes from the earth. It’s only illegal because the government can’t make any money off it. The cotton and cement industries are shitting themselves about the reliability of masonry capabilities of hemp stems, combined with lime binder, water, and sand. It’s thermal performance leaves them for dead. It’s a breathable material that reduces condensation and improves internal air quality.”

“that’s not to mention the health benefits of both THC and CBD, you know it’s been known to cure epil-“

Spud is finally cut off by his older brother Pete.

“Shut the fuck up spud” says the common sense patriarch.

“I keep hearing about how good weed is for the human body. But I don’t see any on the table”

“Roll that shit up little brother”

Spud lets out a smoker’s cackle.

“Obliged, captain”

Author: Stephen Bailey