Neurotic Local Girl Avoids Salmonella By Burning Chicken Until It’s Clearly Carcinogenic — The Betoota Advocate

Neurotic Local Girl Avoids Salmonella By Burning Chicken Until It's Clearly Carcinogenic — The Betoota Advocate

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | Contact

Ever since her equally neurotic nonna scared her to death by informing her of the dangers of undercooked chicken, local girl Jamie Lee has never been able to trust herself. 

This has been quite the hindrance for the twenty seven year old, as she finds herself cooking it multiple times a week. Despite having more than a decade of practice, she can’t help but hear the warning echo in her head every time she places strips of chicken into her pan, and imagining a night spent on the toilet bowl should she make one wrong move.

To combat this fear, Jamie has come up with a series of techniques to ensure she’s in absolutely no danger of undercooking the chicken – even if it ends up tasting like utter shit.

Showing our reporter a plate of what looks to be a cremated bird or ‘chargrilled’, as she calls it, Jamie reckons this is the only way she can be certain it’s safe to eat.

“I never buy large chunks of chicken breast”, she explains, “the bigger it is, the slower it is to cook.”

“If I can’t get it in strips or diced, I sometimes get those breast steaks.”

“But then I have to hack it constantly with the spatula to make sure it’s not pink inside.”

When asked if she’d ever had food poisoning, Jamie shakes her head but insists she’s had a few close calls.

“I’ve gotten so paranoid I’ve ended up eating around bits of chicken, and then chucking the rest back into the pan for another ten minutes.”

“My roommates legit think I’m nuts.”

More to come.

Author: Stephen Bailey