LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT
As a gossip drought continues to plague Bond street in Betoota Heights, the rumour that local parents Mary and Jim Boyle might be getting divorced came as a surprising, if not very welcome neighbourhood update.
Sensing both ears and her brain were burning, local gossip Jan Tognolini was immediately at the door of the alleged Boyle household with a Tupperware of homemade fridge cake in her arms and a traveller bottle of Baileys in her handbag.
Upon discovering the house was neat, tidy and free of any takeaway containers, Jan assumed the divorce rumours must not be true and was shocked when they were somehow confirmed.
“Oh yeah, Jim’s moved out so we’ve had to tidy up a bit,” stated Mary Boyle, as if she were talking about what day the rubbish collection happens.
“How much milk do you have? Any sugar?”
Cracking open her emergency Baileys, Jan invited Mary to take a seat in her own house and let all the nasty, horrible, specific details of her separation flow through her.
Unfortunately for Jan and her web of spiders, Mary really didn’t have much to say after that as her pending divorce is as harmonious as an ATM transaction on payday.
“We’re just not right for each other any more. To be honest, I was pretty relieved when he brought it up.”
“The kids though mate, let me tell you…they have been so completely understanding.”
“Even Lilly, only four years old, told me that the decision is for the best and that they look forward to us rediscovering love, in our own time, when we’re ready.”
Having eaten the entire container of fridge cake to herself, a gossip-edged Jan stormed out of the house and loudly roared all the way home to her house on the other end of Bond street, hoping to cause some gossip of her own on the way there.