KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | CONTACT
The Australian Lawn Council has issued a red alert this morning, as the nation comes to grips with a long grass crisis.
After an unusually wet November and December which saw flooding in regions across the country, it’s understood that the government body responsible for lawn monitoring has yanked the starter cord on its emergency signal system and is requesting all Australians to get outside immediately and tend to their yard.
In a statement delivered outside the Department of Lawn and Hedges in Canberra, longstanding head of the ACL, Sir Dennis Walter, said the combination of rains and the return of the cricket posed a deeply disturbing level of threat for suburban pathways, which are quickly becoming overrun by poorly managed lawns.
“A wet November coupled with the return to cricket and all the silly season hangovers is creating a perfect storm for lawns across Australia,” said Sir Walter.
“We’re hearing in some particularly lazy cul-de-sacs across the country, some lawns have not been given a once over with the whipper snipper since August, and that’s just not acceptable.”
Speaking to one young father of two and chronic lawn avoider, Frank Baros, the Betoota Heights resident pleaded that he would get to mowing the lawn this afternoon, right after the current over has been bowled.
“Yeah, yeah I’m gonna do it this arvie,” slobbered Frank as he dusted some orange Cheezel dust off his fingers.
“Actually I think I’m outta fuel for the mower, and it’s getting a bit hot to be outside, I might be a tomorrow job…”
More to come.