Naarm Settler Begins Adult ADHD Rebrand After 2 Years Condemning Everyone’s Behaviour In Lockdown — The Betoota Advocate

Naarm Settler Begins Adult ADHD Rebrand After 2 Years Condemning Everyone's Behaviour In Lockdown — The Betoota Advocate

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The Northside of Melbourne is currently awash with book clubs, lycra cyclist outfits and pottery wheels – as the city’s urban elite come to the crushing realisation that ‘taking pride in not leaving the house’ is no longer considered a valid personality.

While being privileged enough to be able to work from home during the pandemic lockdown gave an air of superiority to the nation’s neoliberal terrace houses who hid their venomous classism behind a short-lived advocacy for frontline workers, the time has sadly come where caring about an overwhelmed health system is no longer en vogue.

As the city of Melbourne sits in that awkward and uneventful window between Invasion Day and Pride Month, even an encyclopaedic knowledge of queer acronyms and metropolitan Indigenous place names is no longer slapping like it used to.

For the yuppies of Melbourne, the post-pandemic rebrand is now of the utmost importance. Otherwise, their friends on Twitter might just confuse them for wealthy underwhelming white kids.

One politically charged Naarm settler, Hazel Wyatt-Enlodid, has today unveiled a new thing she’s been working on.

After flying a bit too close to the sun with the LGBTQIA+ community as an over-the-top ally, and unsuccessfully scouring her family tree for something a bit spicier than ‘French’ – it’s now time for Hazel to insert herself in the important conversations surrounding the National Disability Insurance Scheme.

Unsatisfied with simply being a nice person to everyone she meets, the shallow pursuit of a politicised identity continues. This is what happens when it’s not longer considered noble to condemn the behaviour of bogans on social media.

“I’m a recent diagnosee of Adult ADHD.” she tweets, to an immediate community of diehard supporters.

“Sorry if I don’t answer texts. Sorry if I’m always late. Sorry if I say mean things after a few seltzers”

“But please be patient with me. I’m a work in progress… This all makes so much sense now”

Unsatisfied with simply being a nice person to everyone she meets, Hazel’s shallow pursuit of political capital has been difficult post-pandemic – especially now that it’s not longer considered noble to condemn the behaviour of bogans on social media.

But she’s finally found her people.

“I was filled with such relief when the fourth GP I visited to told me it’s not my fault anymore. He told me I am neurodivergent.”

“It’s kind similar to those kids you see at the special schools in the outer-suburbs… But like…”

“… Um… Yeah obviously a bit different to them haha”

Author: Stephen Bailey