Mercedes SUV Driver Employs “Pick A Lane, Any Lane” Driving Strategy — The Betoota Advocate

Mercedes SUV Driver Employs “Pick A Lane, Any Lane” Driving Strategy — The Betoota Advocate


A sparkling Mercedes SUV has motorists sweating this morning, after causing some carnage around the leafy streets of Betoota Grove.

Charging through several pedestrian crossings and ignoring two give way signs, it’s reported the Mercedes-Benz GLE-Class was spotted breaking multiple road rules, as it powered towards the school drop-off at the Betoota Grammar School at approximately 8:22am.

Soundtracked by the blaring sounds of an obnoxious phone call blaring through the car’s speaker system, it’s understood the driver of the luxury SUV embodied the Captain Barbossa School of Navigation, treating lane markings “more like guidelines than actual rules”.

Speaking to one witness, Damien Andrews, it’s believed the car’s erratic behaviour forced almost all drivers in the immediate vicinity to travel at 25 km/ph, in the hope of not losing a side mirror.

“Veering left and veering right, that Mercedes was butchering the roads,” said the stressed AusPost delivery driver.

“You could tell the driver wasn’t all that keen on sticking to the road markings, he really went for the old ‘pick a lane, any lane’ technique.”

After tracking down the GLE Mercedes, as it illegally stopped out the front of the Whooton School, it can be confirmed that the driver was in fact Year 12 student Caelan Herman-Meyers, an unmarked p-plate driver looking to record 15 minutes of experience in peak morning traffic.

When quizzed why his shit-for-brains parents thought unleashing him on the roads when everyone was trying to travel to work, the prefect simply shrugged and directed our reporter to speak to his dad.

Glaring at The Advocate with the ferocious gaze of a bangle clad boomer who has no time for a struggling regional reporter looking for a morning scoop, it’s confirmed John Herman-Meyers threatened legal action.

“Oh you’re from The Advocate, take a hike before I call the cops!”

Author: Stephen Bailey