Menthol Cigarettes To Be Banned In Horrible Attack On Divorcees — The Betoota Advocate

Menthol Cigarettes To Be Banned In Horrible Attack On Divorcees — The Betoota Advocate

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT

With another attack on e-cigarettes and other tobacco products on the horizon, menthol cigarettes could be banned in what is being described as a horrible attack on divorcees.

Menthol cigarettes were invented in Ohio in 1924 to give smokers fresh breath after a day of chaining an endless parade of ciggies (if TV shows set in the early 20th century are to be believed).

Now at nearly 100 years of being teenagers’ choice for their ‘first and only cigarette’, menthol cigarettes may become illegal in Australia, or at least more expensive at the dodgier tobacconists in town. 

One group of people who are absolutely outraged by the potential menthol ban are the nation’s divorcees, many of whom turned to menthols as a stress reliever that they don’t have to feel too guilty about it.

“Why shouldn’t I be allowed to have a ice blaster every now and then when [ex-husband] was allowed to have both parking spots the whole time we lived on Dirk Street,” mused Cheryl Davidson (48) who is currently in the process of divorcing her husband, meaning she has clung to menthol cigarettes like a scuba mask 60 feet underwater.

“Anyway, I only smoke on days when I remember how much that lazy bugger ruined 25 good years of my bloody life!”

At the time of writing, two protests against the menthol ban are being organised on opposite sides of the Betoota CBD so that no one has to bump into their ex.

MORE TO COME.

Author: Stephen Bailey