EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | Contact
A bloke who can be best referred to as ‘that mate’ has caused his friends a mix of amusement and concern this afternoon, by yet again failing to realise his limits and refusing to do what’s best for him.
Declan Bowen  is alleged to have agreed to an early Friday knockoff with the boys at Betoota Ponds infamous ‘Wings, Ribs & Tins’ restaurant, which should have been a relatively low key affair considering half of them had somewhere to be by 7pm.
However, as usual, this simple catch up has unwittingly been hijacked by Declan’s compulsion to push the boundaries and to prove how cool he is – this time, with him mistakenly believing his 99% caucasian genes could withstand Carolina reaper wings.
But if there’s one thing you can’t say about Declan, is that he gives up easily.
His mates really, really wish he would though.
Watching in interest as he didn’t even bother to take a small, tentative bite from a wing that looked the colour of Satan’s dong, his mate’s amusement soon turned to horror, as Declan’s face took on the appearance of a freshly washed tomato.
“Mate you’re going to be sick, maybe just have some of mine?”, offered Peter, gesturing to a few leftover buttermilk wings, “you don’t look like you’re having a good time.”
Shaking his head as tears cascaded down his red, sweaty face, Declan dramatically drinks his entire pint of beer in one slam, before returning to the wing like a moth to a flame.
“Declan stop, Jesus Christ. Your asshole is going to be on fire.”
“Cunt, I’m not taking you to emergency.”
More to come.