ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
Early last year, Betoota Heights man Glenn Pogo booked a flight to Cairns for a wedding that ultimately had to be shitcanned because of the spicy cough that was going around at that time.
While much of his accommodation was non-refundable (though his threats to firebomb the Cairns Pullman were passed onto authorities) the good people at Qantas agreed to meet him in the middle.
“It took a few hours on the phone but they gave me a flight credit, which would allow me to rebook a flight when I new wedding date was made or if I wanted to go somewhere else,” said the 59-year-old retiree.
“Which is better than not getting anything at all, so I agreed to it. They said I had two years to use it, which I thought was more than enough,”
“But when I tried to book a new flight this morning, I ran into some difficulty.”
As the former school teacher is “not good with computers”, he found the rebooking portal on the Qantas website tricky to navigate and find out where he could use his credit to book a new flight.
“I found one but when I finally discovered how to use my flight credit, it only covered a third of the cost.”
So Glenn took time out of his busy morning of doing fuck all to phone Qantas to get to the bottom of it.
“When I finally got around to speaking to a person, I said I was having a hard time using my flight credit,” he said.
“Do you know what the lady said to me? I’m even more irate than the time I convinced myself to firebomb a resort full of people,”
“She said, ‘Sir, have you tried shoving your flight credits up your arse?’ like she was asking me what the weather was like. I asked her to repeat herself,”
“She said, ‘Sir, have you tried printing off your original booking, rolling it up into a crude tube, lathering it in vegetable oil, putting on some Fleetwood Mac, dimming the lights and slowly taking the piece of paper with the payment information on it and pensively begin shoving it up your arse? If you haven’t done that then give it a go, then call back,’”
“I was so angry, I started smelling burnt toast.”
The Advocate reached out to Qantas for comment but has yet to receive a reply.
More to come.