Local Woman Makes Her Childfree Lifestyle More Palatable By Insisting She Can’t Wait To Be An Aunt Though! — The Betoota Advocate

Local Woman Makes Her Childfree Lifestyle More Palatable By Insisting She Can’t Wait To Be An Aunt Though! — The Betoota Advocate

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | Contact

A local selfish cow has felt the need to clarify her childfree stance this week, after she was asked by her boyfriend’s sister when she planned on renting out that vacant womb of hers.

Having fielded off questions in the past by simply stating that she just couldn’t be fucked dealing with kids, Bethany Collier [26] has since learned that that is an extremely self centred thing to say, and that just because the sound of a child screaming in a shopping centre makes her want to eject her ovaries and stomp on them like she’s an ancient roman making wine, doesn’t mean she shouldn’t have any.

So now, Bethany likes to still stick to her guns but soften the blow, so she doesn’t end up being labelled a child hating witch – by stating just how much she can’t wait to be an aunt!!

Which she’s discovered is much more palpable for enquiring strangers to hear.

“Yeah kids aren’t for me, but that just means I have more time to help my friends and sister when they have them!”, says Bethany, who would rather pry her eyes out with a fork than babysit, “that way I can hand them back at the end of the day haha.”

“They can even give me a call when they steal alcohol from mum and need a ride home.”

“I’ll be the cool aunt!”

More to come.

Author: Stephen Bailey