Local Pub Celebrates Complete Gentrification After Replacing Pokies With Dog Bowls — The Betoota Advocate

Local Pub Celebrates Complete Gentrification After Replacing Pokies With Dog Bowls — The Betoota Advocate

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT

The Whitlams can be heard figuratively and literally as Flight Path District pub the Lord Harroway celebrates complete gentrification after replacing pokies with dog bowls.

Pokies, or poker machines in weirdo terms, cost Australians an estimated $200 billion each year.

So prevalent are pokies in our society that almost all Australians can be divided into two camps; those who don’t mind a slap or two and those who hate those fund-sucking Candy Crush machines like bindis on bare feet.

In recent years, movements such as Proudly Pokies Free have encouraged pubs to ditch this self-selling revenue stream and replace pokies with something more ethical like an ironic build-your-own salad bar or Big Buck Hunter.

Although previously a home of 12 of Australia’s 200,000 poker machines, the Lord Harroway has said bollocks to any gambling that isn’t drag bingo and fitted out the former pokies room with bowls of water for the 40 or so dachshunds, pomeranians, and french bulldogs that are dragged to the pub of an evening.

“We even have a cool menu just for the dogs,” stated publican Benny Scrimp, as if $6 for a puppuccino was appealing to anyone who doesn’t run a dog’s Instagram account.

“Soon we’ll be getting rid of those sex wipe machines in the bathroom and replacing them with dog toilets.”

“Our eventual goal is to phase out humans altogether and just have a dog bar with dog staff drinking beer made for dogs, by dogs.”

More to come.

Author: Stephen Bailey