KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | CONTACT
A local F45 franchise owner is sucking in the big ones this morning, as he attempts to squeeze his hulking, waxed legs into a pair of skinny chinos Gearing up for a rare calorie-charged day the races.
The Advocate understands goblet squat fanatic Adam Wahlberg (31) has decided to swap his daily Gymshark leggings for an equally tight pair of cream chinos, considered “Maccas Straw” fit.
Despite his overwhelmingly healthy conscious demeanour, The Advocate reports Adam was under considerable cardiovascular stress this morning, as he attempted to cram his 105 kg frame into a pair of pants as narrow as a drainpipe.
This is why he had to visit a local tanning salon to get them sprayed on this morning.
Adam told our reporter he was quite thankful that his recently purchased pair of cream slacks were a 30% cotton, 70% elastane blend.
“They’re a tight fit alright!,” admitted Adam, as he could hear the seems of the crouch begin to thock like a cinema popcorn machine.
“On measurements I’m really a 36”, but with some deep breathes and core engagement I’ve slipped into these 30” ones quite nicely.”
After months of preaching his daily diet of tuna and rice, with the odd “naughty” cookies and cream protein bar on Fridays as a special treat, it’s understood Adam is preparing to really let him go a little this weekend, and treat himself to a few extra carbs.
“Mate it’s a bucks, I know these weekends usually end in the blow out!”
“I’m not even gonna weigh my food this weekend, and I might have a half a cup of hot chips tonight!”
Taking one look into the mirror to check himself out, it’s believed Adam’s decided to show off the fruits of his rigorous chest routine, taking the liberty to undo three buttons on his crisp white shirt to show off his glistening pec muscles.
“I look good, I feel good, this is a Hollywood body baby!”
“Also do you reckon the races will have Pure Blonde on tap?”
More to come.