Local Girl Signals For Rescue Evac After One Night Stand Offers Water in Cinema Collectors Cup — The Betoota Advocate

KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | Contact

A local Betoota woman is planning a hasty exit this morning, after realising she’s had a one night stand with a grown adult that uses limited edition cinema cups as glassware.

Staring into a bathroom mirror speckled with an unhygienic amount of toothpaste spray, local insurance agent Amy Clarkson is believed to be nursing a blinding headache, as she attempts to calculate at what point her night turned so sour.

Spotting a JB-Hi-Fi lanyard hanging from the towel rack, it’s reported Amy’s has slowly begun to recall the trail of bad decisions, which led her to having a one night stand with local laptop salesman, Kyle Cameron.

Flicking through her memory for a sequence of events, it’s understood Amy has recalled taking advantage of a generous work bar tab, before meeting up with her more alternative friends at local dive bar ‘The Wonky Wombat’, where she met ‘Kyle’, a 24-year-old computer engineering student who after nine champagnes looked kind of cute.

After three minutes of sub-par sexual intercourse and an uneasy night sleeping next to his wheezing frame, it’s reported Amy was awoken this morning with the offer of a glass of water, from a 800ml cinema cup with ‘Avengers: Infinity War’ graphics burned into the plastic.

After politely declining and escaping to the closest bathroom, it’s believed Amy has now begun hurriedly mashing at her phone in the hope of securing the world’s fastest Uber to evacuate.

With 3% battery left and the prospect of having to ask her new overnight friend ‘Kyle’’ for a phone charger, it’s believed Amy’s already considering fleeing the scene on foot.

“Fuck I’ve gotta get out of here, I can’t stay another minute or he might offer to cook me breakfast.”

“I bet he’s one of those ‘scrambled eggs in the microwave’ kind of guys, anyone who keeps cinema cups in the pantry can’t be a fully developed adult…”

More to come.

Author: Stephen Bailey