EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | Contact
As Louise Wilson  stares down the barrel of a boring weekend, she finds herself making a very difficult decision – to stay home and watch Netflix all night like an old person, or risk a very drama-filled night if she reaches out to one of two people she knows will be free.
It really is quite the predicament.
Why the drama? Well, she has the choice of either Vanessa, who’s known to ask ‘cunts what they’re looking at’ if they dare glance her way after she’s had a few, or Lauren, who almost always ends up crying about her fucking ex from two years ago.
So now, Louise has to figure out who will be less of a liability.
“Vanessa is quite fun”, she muses, “maybe if I coax her away from the rums she won’t be as bad.”
“And she doesn’t get violent, just mouthy.”
“As long as I don’t have to pay a cover fee, it doesn’t really matter if we get kicked out.”
Estimating that she had roughly two hours before Vanessa picks a fight with some random girl, Louise weighs up the pros and cons of Lauren.
“Lauren is single, so we can wing woman each other.”
“But she’s a fuckwit on the wine.”
“If she gets rejected she’ll cry, but if she finds a man, I’m on my own.”
“Which is fine if it happens after 1am.”
Trying to figure out who will last the longest and the quality of the hours out, Louise finds herself landing on Vanessa – because at least a fight provides some entertainment.
“Fuck it, I’ll just pretend I’m in a episode of MAFs.”
More to come.