Local Dork Buying Woodfire Kindling From Servo Sets Horrible Precedent For Apocalypse  — The Betoota Advocate

Local Dork Buying Woodfire Kindling From Servo Sets Horrible Precedent For Apocalypse  — The Betoota Advocate

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT

Preparing for a cheeky little evening around the fire pit, local dork Keigan Pringle has confirmed he would be absolutely useless in an apocalypse after cracking open a back of servo kindling.

Living on a semi-rural property on the outskirts of Betoota, Pringle considers himself to be discreetly prepared in the event of a societal downfall as long as all he needs to eat are year-round growing herbs and eventually, his sausage dog.

However, it is clear to Pringle’s friends his rural living is less ‘apocalypse prepared’ and more ‘discreet server in the shed’ as the man of the land lacks the skills to go foraging for little sticks.

“It’s easier this way,” stated Pringle, holding a bag of kindling that cost him about two hours worth of work.

“They come pre-chopped.”

Perhaps forgetting that all little bits of dead trees are available in small sizes, Pringle allowed the ample kindling on his property to be potential bushfire fuel so that he could spend more time getting the party pies on.

When confronted with the idea that he might not be as prepared for the apocalypse as he believed, Pringle gestured to his homebrewing gear and 4L bottle of tomato sauce before refusing further comment.

Author: Stephen Bailey