Local Dad Finds Solace In A Few Bits Of Acoustic Standing Ham In The Kitchen — The Betoota Advocate

Local Dad Finds Solace In A Few Bits Of Acoustic Standing Ham In The Kitchen — The Betoota Advocate

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

A yet another screaming gaggle of in-laws arrive at his rented beach house, a local father retreated into the kitchen to enjoy some standing ham acoustically and wait for the inevitable.

Bruce Putnam secured the Lake Betoota property this time last year and his in-laws left finding a neighbouring property to last month, so they’re joining his family, he tells The Advocate.

He could’ve said no but he didn’t because what good would it do in the immediate to short term.

“If I said they couldn’t stay, only Chris Smith would be having a more depressing Christmas,” he laughed.

The 66-year-old spoke to our reporter over the back fence of his place, which is next door to where our reporter will be camping up until the New Years Test.

“Anyway, I knew they were getting close and my brother-in-law would be on my couch in a few minutes, so I went and got some ham and just stood there in the kitchen, eating it slowly while I looked at the tasteful beach-inspired motel-style artwork on the walls,” he said.

“It’s not my couch, actually, it belongs to the bloke who owns this overpriced shit box. I’m just renting it from him. Back to what I was saying, you ever just get the ham out and cut yourself a few slices and just enjoy them acoustically?”

“No bread, no sauce, nothing. Just you and the ham. Nothing better, hey. Nothing worse than getting a bit of clove or something. Cloves are rank. I could talk about ham all day, mate,”

“I just don’t want to go back in there. They’re not even cricket people. My nephew cried last year, like full on cried, when I turned the TV over to the Boxing Day Test because he was watching his show. That’s right, this happened last year, too.”

More to come.

Author: Stephen Bailey