Local Cafe Taps Into Niche Market With Burgers Clearly Designed For Scrub Pythons — The Betoota Advocate

Local Cafe Taps Into Niche Market With Burgers Clearly Designed For Scrub Pythons — The Betoota Advocate

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | Contact

A Betoota Ponds cafe has raised some eyebrows in the community this week for it’s rather niche customer demographic, which has led many people to question the sustainability of such an odd business model.

Despite there being several overpriced burger joints in the area already, locals were reportedly quite keen for ‘Mr Sloppy’s’ to open, especially seeing as the official opening day promised a free burger and chips for the first fifty customers. 

As a bunch of idiots lined up for well over an hour to get a free burger, it soon descended into chaos when it became apparent that the burgers were not fit for human consumption. 

The Advocate chatted to one of the locals, who reckons he plans on boycotting the joint.

“Yeah I’m fucking filthy”, says one bloke, shaking his head in disgust, “it’s a bit of a joke.”

When our reporter looks at him with a confused expression, he shows her a photo of a greasy, dripping burger that looks roughly one metre in height and in all honesty, the least appetising thing she’s ever seen in her life.

“Now you tell me, logistically, how the fuck am I supposed to eat that?”

“I can’t even fit my fist in my mouth.”

However, after reaching out to Mr Sloppy’s for a statement, The Advocate was informed that the menu was ‘entirely designed with scrub pythons in mind’, which the owner thought would have been pretty fucking obvious.

“Yeah duh haha.”

“If I saw someone manage one of my burgers down, I’d ask them to marry me.”

More to come.

Author: Stephen Bailey