ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
A marginally-employed young man from our town’s Heights district has told The Advocate that he’s likely to be crucified tonight after spending most of the long weekend doing something relaxing.
After being dragged from one place to another on Friday and Saturday, Glenn Douglas told his defacto life partner that he just wanted to have a bit of a rest and watch the NRL Grand Final.
“I can’t miss this, babe,” he said.
“It’s the Grand Final. It’s the last game of the year.”
That was music to Mel Bakirtzis’ ears, she explained to our reporter.
“So many nights, he says he doesn’t want to go out. That he just wants to watch the football and chill. Like, this guy will get a loaf of bread, a few onions, name-brand BBQ sauce and sausages. Cook them up with his headphones on, listening to some stupid podcast which is just guys like him talking about sport and then sit down and eat his peasant dinner watching the football. Sometimes, he doesn’t even drink. He just has a Coke Zero or something. I don’t understand how he thinks this is fun. Like, he doesn’t even speak to me. Or like anyone. No words come out of his mouth. Just silence. Sometimes, he laughs and says someone on the group said something funny that I wouldn’t understand,”
“When he said that was the last game of rugby, I was so happy.”
Mel was happy for a night, she finally had her defacto life partner back.
“That’s what I thought. I wake up this morning and go for a run. I come back and he’s watching the FUCKING cricket, which I fucking HATE, and guess what this motherfucker says to me?”
“I can’t miss this babe, it’s the start of the Sheffield Shield,”
“What the FUCK is the Sheffield Shield?”
More to come.