I AM OLD, WHITE, CANCELLED & STUCK IN CAPS LOCK — The Betoota Advocate

I AM OLD, WHITE, CANCELLED & STUCK IN CAPS LOCK — The Betoota Advocate

HARVEY THOMAS | Opinion | Contact

HARK, THE BELL TOLLS AGAIN BUT NOT FOR WHOM BUT FOR I.

IT APPEARS THAT I HAVE RUSTLED THE PLANT BASED LEAVES OF THE WOKE MINORITIES (WHO ARE LITERALLY A MAJORITY IF I’M TO BE BELIEVED) AND NOW JUST BECAUSE OF MY AGE, RACE, AND DELIBERATELY IRKSOME OPINIONS I HAVE BEEN CANCELLED.

WHERE ONCE I TOWERED OVER ALL LIKE THE NEO COLONIAL OVERLORD MY WETNURSE SWORE I WOULD BE, I NOW CANNOT EVEN GET SERVICE IN A LOCAL CAFE. 

DOES THE WOKE MOB NOT EVEN SEE THE IRONY IN THAT? I THOUGHT THEIR WHOLE THING WAS THAT EVERYONE SHOULD GET TREATED THE SAME? CLEARLY, THEY DIDN’T MEAN ME.

SO NOW I HAVE TO DRINK MY CAPPUCCINO WITH TEN SUGARS AT HOME WHICH IN ONE WAY MAKES ME GLAD THAT I STOOD AGAINST THOSE HOSPITALITY WOKE DOPERS GETTING A PAY RISE.

BOOHOO FOR ME FOR I AM OLD, WHITE, FAT, AND CANCELLED. 

IT HAS ALSO NOT HELPED THE SITUATION THAT I AM STUCK IN CAPS LOCK AND NO ONE WILL HELP ME WITH IT BECAUSE I NOW STAND ALONE AS A SOCIAL PARIAH, LIKE AN AMISH YOUTH CAUGHT LISTENING TO A CD. 

INDEED AT THIS POINT JOINING THE AMISH MAY BE MY ONLY OPTION AS I HAVE NOWHERE TO GO APART TO MY REGULAR TV AND RADIO SLOTS, WEEKLY COLUMNS IN SEVERAL NATIONAL NEWSPAPERS, AND VARIOUS PUBLIC APPEARANCES WHERE PEOPLE DUMBER THAN MY ELDEST SON ACTUALLY PAY TO HEAR ME SPEAK. 

IF ONLY THEY COULD HEAR ME NOW BUT ALAS, THEY CANNOT FOR I HAVE BEEN CANCELLED. 

PERHAPS THEY WOULD HEAR THAT THIS CAPS LOCK MISHAP ACTUALLY KIND OF MATCHES MY CURRENT STATE OF ANGER. COULD ACTUALLY BE A GOOD WRITING TECHNIQUE, IF ANYONE COULD EVER READ MY WORDS AGAIN WHICH THEY CANNOT AS I’VE BEEN CANCELLED.  

LET THIS BE A WARNING TO ANYONE WITH OPINIONS AND SEVERAL HUNDRED MEDIA CONNECTIONS: THE SO-CALLED 21ST CENTURY DEMANDS THAT WE THINK ABOUT HOW OUR WORDS MIGHT IMPACT OTHERS AND THUS MUST WRAP THE PRETTY LITTLE BRAINS OF DELICATE FLOWER CHILDREN IN SUSTAINABLE COTTON WOOL BEFORE WE SAY SOMETHING BRAVE LIKE HOW BEING WHITE IS GREAT WHEN YOU THINK ABOUT IT.

I KNOW I CANNOT BE THE ONLY ONE WHO IS TIRED OF BEING TREATED LIKE A NINTH CLASS CITIZEN JUST BECAUSE I AM OLD, WHITE, AND PERMANENTLY DOOMED TO TYPE AS IF I AM YELLING. CAN SOME INTERN PLEASE FIX THIS ON THE WEB END?

Author: Stephen Bailey