LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT
Patrons at Betoota Community Library have been warned that the brandless hot drinks machine in the corner is presently brewing up a hot choc that is ready to burn your pretty little tastebuds off.
While further research is still needed to determine exactly what type of person purchases a hot chocolate from a vending machine, naive young children and old people who can remember when transactions benefited the consumer are often seduced by the offer of a $4 machine made beverage.
Unfortunately, what many of these victims learn the hard way is that these machine brewed bevvies have the average temperature of the Earth’s core and the express mission that they will be the last thing that you, and your descendants, ever taste.
“Ith wath a bith hot yeth,” stated Theodore Redjeski whose hot chocolate was still piping hot an hour after pouring.
“But mumth making pathta with spwouts tonigth tho at leasth I won’th taste thath.”
“Or anythink until Quithmas.”
Disappointingly, Betoota Community Library has no plans to remove the seemingly possessed beverage machine as they are hoping the next Stephen King will be inspired by its demonic brews and write a best selling horror novel about it.