ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
Heaven’s Ambassador to Earth, Jesus Christ, has confirmed to The Advocate today that it is indeed “Ark Szn” and humanity needs to prepare for the watery rapture that his Dad, God, promised he’d do all those years ago.
Speaking to our reporter today via a DMT vape, Mr Christ explained exactly what’s going on and why it’s happening.
In particular, the Nazareth local described why Sydney in particular is going to cop it.
“That place needs to be hosed out,” said Mr Christ.
“From top to bottom. They need to build an ark but only put good people in it. That means no government bureaucrats. No politicians. No artists. No journalists. The journalists especially. In heaven, there are no police so we don’t need them on the ark. Firemen and paramedics are welcome. There’s still housefires in heaven because there’s still insurance fraud, which I hear is popular with Australians. My Dad said it’s essentially a national pastime for Australians. Good on you guys,”
“But yes, as for the rain. On behalf of the Federal Government of Heaven, we’d like to apologise to parts of regional NSW, Victoria and Queensland for the collateral rain and floods they’ve experienced. It’s all supposed to be falling on central Sydney.”
The Advocate reached out to the Protestant fuckwit at the local Anglican Church, Rev. Stirling White-McCulloch, for comment but was told they wouldn’t be commenting on such matters as it involves illegal drugs and blasphemy.
More to come.