Government Swears They’ll Pull Fossil Fuels Companies Into Line, They’ll Do It, Swear To God — The Betoota Advocate

Government Swears They’ll Pull Fossil Fuels Companies Into Line, They’ll Do It, Swear To God — The Betoota Advocate


The people in charge of the country have this week confirmed that they are still trying to figure things out. 

Despite being in power for well over 6 months now, the federal government has revealed that they are still working on what to do in regards to the nation’s energy crisis. 

With prices skyrocketing and the nation no closer to energy stability than it was a year ago, the government has admitted to The Advocate that they are quietly hoping multinational gas companies will just show a bit of heart. 

“We have told them to do what’s right for the country and for ordinary Australians,” said Treasurer Jim Chalmers today. 

Chalmers comments come as the nation’s power suppliers hike prices again, with the majority of Australia’s gas being sold overseas because it fetches a much higher price. 

“We have asked the giant multinational fossil fuel companies whose primary purpose is generating profit to use their conscience and stop price gouging the people we are supposed to represent,” said Chalmers. 

“If they don’t pull their heads in then we’ll consider moving towards thinking about a policy to stop these giant polluters from having free rein to gouge the hell out of consumers,” continued Chalmers as if the giant fossil fuel companies are going to sacrifice profit to act in the nation’s and the world’s best interests. 

“Swear to god we will.”

“Don’t worry though, they’ve told me they’ll do the right thing,” said Chalmers, whose government has also lapped up claims that the gas being ripped out of the ground is ‘renewable.’

“It’s better to keep these gas companies onside so we can keep our nation powered,” said Chalmers as if gas is any different to coal or oil. 

When asked about whether there were some long term plans to transition to actual extremely cheap renewable sources of energy (ie not gas), the government had an interesting response. 

They said that they are open to the idea of helping people get off gas and onto solar (which is so cheap it’s essentially free energy) – but that they wanted to see what gas companies do first. 

“You know, let the market lead the way and all that,” he finished. 

Author: Stephen Bailey