Government Promises To Fast-Track Disaster Payments For 2019 Bushfire Victims As Soon As 10-Year Review Is Completed — The Betoota Advocate

Government Promises To Fast-Track Disaster Payments For 2019 Bushfire Victims As Soon As 10-Year Review Is Completed — The Betoota Advocate

RORY SALAZAR | Finance | CONTACT

“Time is of the essence!” yelled a nameless politician who is in charge of organising disaster payments to the victims of the 2019 bushfires.

The yelling comes after a lively session of parliament where the government considered the findings of a Productivity Commission and recent Royal Commission that recommended structural reforms to improve the fairness and timing of disaster payments. 

And it could not have come at a better time.

With some victims still living in tents since their houses burned back in 2019, the fast-tracking of disaster payments means they can finally start to rebuild their lives.

Just as soon as the government can cross the t’s and dot the i’s, that is.

Which will only take about 10 years, apparently.

That’s right, The Advocate can report that once the eligibility criteria can be legislated and a 10-year procedural review period is completed, payments to the victims will spread faster than the fires of 2019 did.

As soon as the government has finalised their evaluation protocol related to their generous natural disaster financial assistance measures, and once their suggested assistance package can be linked to the level of impact of each disaster, the victims of the 2019 bushfires will get that sweet money, money, monaye.

To celebrate the achievement, The Advocate spoke with one of the boring politicians involved.

“We have to get this right,” said the dill. 

“Fast-tracking processes such as these requires integrity, accountability, monitoring and review, which takes time considering the government has no idea about any of those things,” the guy said.

The Advocate questioned the guy on whether the payments should be administered prior to any further procedural reviews. In response, the guy gave The Advocate some much needed perspective, saying that “if you look at it from a cosmic timescale, 10 years is nothing. I mean, the cosmos will go on for billions of years.” 

The Advocate took the point. Reports now confirm that when the 10-year review is complete, the government intends to investigate the idea of debating whether disaster payments can be fast-tracked for the victims of the 2021 and 2022 floods. Which could not come at a better time.

Author: Stephen Bailey